The curse of being too understanding

I am an understanding guy, at least that's what most people tell me. I mean, I agree—I do understand people, their feelings, their reasons, their emotions... and sometimes, a bit too much.

It's like I know that something happened, why someone said so-and-so, and it's probably for a reason. Everyone does—everyone has one.

I understand because I do that too. Sometimes I say harsh stuff when I'm not in a good mood; they might've too. They probably didn't mean it. That's what I generally think.

The first thing that pops into my mind is the ability to defend them, before they do it themselves.

It's like I give explanations to myself on their behalf—even if they never do.

And yeah, it makes it easier for the other person because this way, I'll never get mad at them.

I'm not a psychic that can magically know what's going on in your mind, but I have a heart that simply tries to understand.

Sounds good, right? You must think, "Omg, you're such a nice guy, I wish I could be this understanding."

You don't. Trust me, you do not want to wish that.

The thing is, when you're a little too understanding, the world takes you for granted.

There's always a perception about you that says, "This person won't ever get mad. We can say whatever we want to him without second thoughts because he'll understand—he won't get mad."

But I do. I almost certainly do. But because I don't express it, people never know.

I think they call this being a pushover. When people walk all over you, say or do whatever they want, and leave—because they think you won't say anything back, or worse... feel anything.

But in reality, it's the exact opposite. I feel everything. It even hurts sometimes. But my unhinged ability to just understand suppresses those feelings.

Sometimes, being understanding isn’t kindness — it’s self-abandonment.

Sometimes I don't want to understand. I just want to crash out, yell, and be mad at something or someone. I want someone to convince me, comfort me... I don't want to be the understanding person all the time.

What I feel like is that when I don't react to stuff people do—even if it's wrong or makes me mad—just because I'm willing to understand them, it's like a sweet poison.

That is holding me back from feeling the emotions I need to feel, saying the words I need to say, correcting the person or the situation that I need to.

It'll always be you who's going to try hard—sometimes harder than the other person—to justify the actions they did.

It hurts when the world doesn't do the same for you, when you do something and suddenly there's need for an explanation.

They get upset, they get mad, even if you never. You get surprised that people don’t see the world the way you do.

It’ll make you feel burnt out.

And at somepoint, things will go wrong—most definitely will—because you didn’t stop it. You were too busy being "understanding".

The world isn't that nice to repay kindness with kindness.

Don’t ever think that just because you do something for someone, they’ll do it for you too. Those dreams will never manifest. You can make them know, but you can never make them act.

Being understanding is good—even rare, in my opinion—because not everybody is.

But if you're too quick to conclude a situation before it even goes through the stages it should... your feelings, your emotions die out, So do the people and situations around you.

People will take you for someone who doesn’t care, or someone too understanding.

They might not consider a second thought before saying something to you. You might not be able to express yourself anymore. Your tiny bit of frustration would be labeled as “overreacting.”

The thing I want you to take away from this is—yes, be understanding, accept people’s apologies. Everyone is human; they make mistakes.

But don’t forget to express your emotions too. You have every right to get mad at what actually makes you mad. You have every right to cry about the things that upset you.

Because that’s what makes people understand that you have a heart too… that people need to understand you too.

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